Monday
Apr302012

Dear Posers - An Open Letter

For the Sake of Humor and Sanity

An Open Letter

Dear Unaware Posers,

We begin with an anecdote. I am sitting at the bar when a young Motswana gentleman rocks up at the bar wearing a hat1 with a logo on it that I recognize. I complement the hat and ask him what team it is. His response is that it is not a team. That the “C” on the hat stands for “Calm-den”.

            “For what?”

“Calm-den – it’s a neighborhood in L.A.”

            “You mean Compton?”

“Yeah, that’s it.” 

Compton – is Los Angeles’ answer to Hillsborough - only with more guns. Not exactly a tourist spot. Why would such a place have hats? 

What this man did not know, but could have learned with a quick look at Google, is that “C” on the hat stands for Cincinnati – it is the logo of the baseball team, the Cincinnati Reds. A team no self-respecting African-American would be caught supporting. 

This is because the team’s former owner Marge Schott, a notorious racist who once said. "I would never hire another n****r. I'd rather have a trained monkey working for me than a n****r.2

She was eventually banned from baseball and more or less forced to sell her team after making statements that she supported the policies of the Nazi Party.

Speaking of Nazi’s3 A while ago there were several fellows strutting4 around town with belts they had bought from Mr. Price. They made sure to tuck their shirts in the front to show off the blingy buckle – which was an Iron Cross. A symbol that became is most famous as a medal given to Nazi soldiers during the WWII. 

These are just a few examples of people wearing things unaware of what the logos they are wearing actually represent. It’s not cool just because its American or they saw it on BET or MTV. 

Wearing any logo or symbol on just because you saw it someone famous wearing it does not make you cool. It makes you a poser. And often makes you look like an idiot. Example = I saw someone in a ‘Bronx, NYC” Shirt with a Boston Red Sox hat – this is the equivalent of wearing a Kaizer Chief shirt and a Pirates hats – but multiplied by a 1,000.

Part of wearing symbols especially in hip-hop culture is to make a statement about where you are from or something you love or believe in – they are also a conversation piece – making up what things mean as you go along makes you a bull shit artist and that just isn’t sexy to anyone with brain cells to rub together. 

So here’s the plan - come up with your own style that means something to you, represents you5 - and before you put a symbol on your body – take three minutes to Google it – it could only help. 

And if you have never watched a baseball game in your life and have no idea about the rules…then loses the Yankees hat – Poser! 

(Indigent sniff)

Thank you, Derek W.



1. A piece of advice - once the labels on your hat start peeling themselves…take them off. Your hat no longer looks ‘crisp’ it just looks welted.

2. For more racist saying from Schott – just Google her.

3. You remember Nazi’s – Hiltler’s posse – oh wait maybe you need to Google that too. I see a theme emerging here...if you need information on something look for it.

4 - Doing that ‘gansta walk’ which makes them look like there is a rock in their shoe.

5 - On second thought we see that going poorly every day. Get a pair of trousers and a shirt that fits and call it a day. 

Saturday
Mar242012

Don Gavin - The Unknown God

A quick piece of advice - If you have asthma, a heart condition, or even like breathing without gasping for air...you might want to avoid seeing one of Don Gavin's performances.  

___________________________________

At Giggles, an unglorified banquet room turned comedy club attached to a Prince Pizzeria in Saugus, He waits patiently in the wings while the MC goes through a few quick bits.   

It is the early show on a Saturday evening and the room is packed with poorly dyed hair and animal print. At a table to one side of the stage is a group of eight older women enjoying their night out, laughing hysterically.   

Out on the floor of the the club, waitresses hustle back and forth, running bottles of Bud Lights and Sam Adams, glasses with ice and brown liquid. If a martini glass appears it is filled with clear liquid, nothing pink or fruity looking. These are not those kind of people.   

The crowd is relaxed and primed. The MC begins his short introduction. The man who will follow does not need one. Not around here at least. He is the reason all these people are here. The reason they and many others have been coming to Giggles and other clubs around New England for nearly 30 years.   

Finally the MC says it. His name. "Ladies and Gentlemen The Godfather of Boston Comedy: Don Gavin!" Moving a little creakily, a bit like an aging prize fighter, a stocky figure dressed in all black and a shock of grey hair makes his way onto the stage. The crowd erupts.   

After a few seconds of applause, Gavin's quick, nasally, Boston-Irish voice breaks through. He praises the other comics for a great job, the applause continues...and then, before you expect it, his first punch line.  

The next half hour blurs into what seems like one continuous laugh. The laughter rolls from one punchline to the next in waves. Each time one begins to die down another one hits, and on and on until you are having trouble breathing and your sides begin to hurt.    

Watching Gavin on stage is a bit like watching Mohammad Ali in the ring. He is so relaxed, he is almost too casual. Mostly he sits on a stool, leaning back slightly, crossing his legs from time to time. And like when Ali drops his hands and dances around, he draws you in - then hits you with a blistering flurry of punchlines that leave you unsure which one left you laughing too hard to breath.   

By the end of his set, you understand why Gavin is one of the best. Each joke is meticulously crafted, his timing flawless. This man is regarded by his peers to be one of the greatest of all time. So why is he playing to 200 people in Saugus on a Saturday night instead of recording an HBO special? Why has his fame never spread too far from New England? Why is he still in relative obscurity?

____________________________________  

 Gavin is unmistakably a home-grown Boston commodity. You hear it immediately in his accent and in the local references in a few of his jokes. He loves this town and its people.  

After growing up in West Roxbury, he worked as a high school teacher and guidance counselor for several years. Then one night in 1979, he went on to an open mic night at what was then the only club in town: The Comedy Connection.   

He destroyed.

He was so good that other comics refused to believe it was his first time on stage. Soon he was performing regularly. For the first year, he worked double duty teaching and performing stand-up, until one afternoon he was so tired on the way home, his car had an unfortunate congress with a guard rail. The incident made him realize that he had to chose one or the other.  

Gavin chose comedy.   

What would have happened if he had chosen to stay in the school system and save his wit for his buddies at the bar? Lucky for comedy lovers everywhere, we will never have to know. 

To say that the rest is history sounds glib...but it is true. Don's choice to commit to comedy instead of remaining a guidance counselor may very well have altered the course of comedy in this country.

_____________________________   

The art of stand-up comedy near extinction died in the 1970's. Aside from a few rooms in New York and Los Angeles, there was almost nowhere for comics to perform. Unlike other performing arts, stand-ups must have a live audience to practice on. The few working comics mostly made a living touring as a warm-up act for rock bands. And young comics had nearly nowhere to experiment and learn their craft. Leaving the art of stand-up headed the way of the Dodo.  

Then in the fall of 1979, a movement began in Boston. The rumbles of laughter began in rooms like the Ding Ho, The Comedy Connection and later Nick's Comedy Stop. Rooms that Gavin helped found. Those rooms provided a unique space for comics to hone their craft. Boston quickly became a Mecca for budding young comics. To those rooms came a young Steven Wright, Bobcat Golthwait, Paula Poundstone and Denis Leary to name a few. Soon the rumbles became then explosions of laughter that ignited the biggest comedy revolution ever.   

"What I liked about it was there no show business there." Steven Wright said in the documentary 'When Stand Up Stood out', "There was no managers, there was no agents, there was no producers. There was nothing. It was like being on an island. And the only thing there was, was trying to make the audience laugh."   

Comedy boomed all through the 1980's and into the 90's. Clubs sprang up all over the country, 'A Evening at the Improv' and other shows popped up on television. Suddenly comedy was big business. All of it due to the movement started by Gavin and a handful of others Boston comics.          

Throughout the 90's, the Boston scene continued producing some of the top comedic talents: Anthony Clark, Dana Gould, Janeane Garofalo, David Cross, Joe Rogan, and many more.           

Through it all Gavin was there, being the Godfather, performing, setting up rooms, giving advice and taking younger comics out on the road with him.          

"He was the guy!" says stand up and Emmy winning comedy writer Greg Fitzsimmons.  "In Boston the highest form of acceptance is to have him (Gavin) s**t on you."   

Fitzsimmons recalls the night when he knew he was “in.” Gavin was sitting at a bar with Kevin Knox when he heard “Hey Fitzsimmons! You selling newspapers? What’s with the shirt?”   

“He was a sounding board and he was good with advice,” said Fitzsimmons of his relationship with the comic great. “I don’t think he ever lost that part of him that was a teacher. He was like that teacher you loved and went to advice for.”                 

After 30 years, legions of comics have come up in Boston and spent time learning from Gavin. They took his advice, and the luckiest of them got to spend time with him on the road.          

"I love Don,said comedian Marc Maron. "When I was starting out in Boston, Don was the hardest working man in show business. I opened for him a few times around New England. Once at Johnny Yees in Yarmouth I think. We stayed up all night playing liars poker."   

“He was an inspiration,” Maron said. “(He was) fast, smart, unique in his style, always did the job and a great guy as well.”             

On a recent episode of Fitzsimmons’ popular podcast the ‘Fitzdog Podcast,’ Joe Rogan recalled seeing Gavin close a show after some of the other Boston greats had been on stage.   

"(Kenny) Rogerson goes up...and was really f***ing funny,(Mike) Donavon goes up and Donavan f***ing slayed, (Kevin) Knox goes up and Knox f***in slayed....and then right when you thought the room couldn't get any funnier...Gavin goes up and does like 20 minutes of just destruction! The time was so perfect...the laughs never died,” said Rogan.   

Gavin is a comedian’s comedian. Whether they grew up watching him, were mentored by him, or just met him out on the road, they all revere him. If you bring up his name they give quick definite answers, using words like 'best', 'greatest' and 'ever'. To them he is in the Pantheon with the other comic deities. They mention in the same breath as Richard Pryor, Steve Martin, George Carlin, and Bill Hicks. Yet somehow he did not crack Comedy Central's list of the 100 greatest stand-ups of all time. 

So what gives? Is he like The Flaming Lips or The Pixies? Bands that only music aficionados are actually into. Do you somehow have to understand the craft of comedy to get his jokes? Judging from the laughs that can be heard every time he gets on stage...no, not at all. 

In truth, the most likely answer to the question of Gavin's success is that he chose to remain in Boston instead of going out to Hollywood. 

 ___________________________________

 In between shows at Giggles, Don plays mayor. He glad-hands the crowd. He thanks long time fans for coming. If there were babies he would probably be kissing them. He takes a moment to talk to two old friends. He comments about his opener "Did you see Artie (the comic before him), wasn't he great?" He does not have the same praise for the MC. After a few more pleasantries he thanks them again, excuses himself and disappears. 

The room is only half full for the late show. The comics seem to bring it even harder because of it, or maybe because they are just a few more drinks in. The MC is better. Artie does a slightly different set - mostly the same jokes but different timing and tags.   

Silhouetted by a neon sign spelling out “Mens" Gavin waits his turn standing off to one side of the stage. Leaning with his hands in his pockets against the wall. He watches his friend carefully, laughing from time to time. 

A few moments later the MC announces him again. He goes on stage and goes into his set. Even with the room half empty, within a moment or two he fills it with laughter. 

________________________________________ 

Gavin's style is unique and something you have to experience to understand or even believe. It is the perfection of the Boston style that many others have tried to duplicate but never been able to master in nearly the same way. His jokes are bow-string tight, wicked fast and genuine.

(If you ever have the chance to exchange words with him you will realize it is not an act. He is a genuinely great guy and he really does speak that fast.) 

His sentences are littered with punchlines. He never panders to the audience, never accents a punchline. Yet he rarely goes more than 10 seconds without him getting a laugh. He keeps talking through the joke until they get it. If they don't, he keeps going. He has another one for them in another beat or two.  

Sometimes the crowd is laughing so hard at one punchline, they miss the next one or two.  

When they do he teases them. Even after a huge series of laughs, if the crowd didn't catch all the punchlines he will say quietly, "try and keep up now," or "you just have to listen. The jokes are in there," or "apparently some of these jokes are just for me." And you get the sense that some of them are.   

All of his jokes are throw-aways. Every bit ends in 'eh...so anyways." He is so casual. This is so easy for him. There is a sense that he probably spends more effort getting dressed. And he really doesn't care because he knows the truth: he is funnier than you.   

The other thing about Gavin is that he draws you in. While you are listening to him, you feel like you are learning about him as a person. He makes you his friend. His set is a series of personal anecdotes - yet they leave you crippled with laughter. 

Because of all this, Gavin's sets are more than a little bit like Robert Altman films. You may need to hear the same set half a dozen times or more before you actually catch all the jokes. 

They all come at you so fast...how could you?  

 _________________________________________  

The question of Gavin's success may come down the standard by which he is measured. If measured against an ordinary man, he is an outstanding success. He makes a comfortable living. He is loved by friends and family. He is revered by his peers. He is a hometown hero and who by all accounts has the run of the city. If he sold insurance or managed a Shaw's supermarket would we ever question of him? Certainly not.  

Even as a stand-up he has done more than most. He has made appearances on 'Late Night with David Letterman' and 'An Evening at the Improv'. He has been in movies including 'Fever Pitch' and 'Shallow Hal'. He even had a small role on the hit television series 'Rescue me'. He has made audiences laugh in all fifty states and in comedy festivals all over the world.  

However, it maybe because of Gavin's rare talent that he is held to a different standard. 

Yet perhaps it is unfair to judge him by the number of television appearances he has had or how many hour-length specials he has done. Or the fact that he hasn't starred in films and lives in Nahant instead of Beverly Hills.  

In the end we measure the legacy of comedians only by the laughs they give us. We do not love George Carlin because of the number of specials he did. We do not revere Pryor because he made Brewster's Millions. We do because you can still listen to 'Live on the Sunset Strip' and laugh so hard tears roll down your face.  

If shear number of laughs are the unit of measure than Gavin is an undeniable success. All you have to do is go to one of his performances to know that. Some of his jokes are timeless classic that have been and will continue to be copied, and will still be making people laugh for years to come. 

________________________________________

The following Saturday evening Gavin stands in the back of the room at Nick's Comedy Stop. Sipping his drink and watching the opener as he waits for his turn on stage. He is returned to a home he never really left.

After helping found Nick's over 20 years ago Gavin is performing here for the first time in over 10 years. Nick's, like many of the old rooms in Boston, has fallen on hard times. He wants to return it to its glory days. When getting your name up on the marquee outside was an indication that you had arrived. And when there was two rooms that they would pack for all five shows every night on the weekends. 

Perhaps, this will be the greatest part of Gavin's legacy - his inspiring and mentoring other comics and working to give comedy room to grow and comedians a place to learn and ply their trade. 

Gavin takes a seat in a back corner. Takes out a pair of reading glasses and goes over a few notes he has for a few new bits he wants to try out. Dan Boulger, the winner of the 2006 Boston Comedy Festival is up on stage doing his set. Gavin leans over to a friend and says, "The kids funny isn't he!". 

________________________________________

After the show, as the crowd files out, Gavin will congratulate BoulgerHe will bust his chops a little, let him know he is doing well. Then he will give him a little advice on where to put a pause in one of his jokes and suggest a different tag for another. He will give him a little love and a little guidance the same as he did for Wendy LiebmanFitzsimmons, Clark, Maron and countless others through the years. 

But that will be after the show though. Before then he has a job to do. 

Boulger finishes with a huge laugh. The MC takes the microphone from him and goes into the short jag he will do before introducing Gavin. Putting away his glasses and grabbing his drink Gavin starts making his way through the shadows toward the stage.

He takes a look at the audience. They are different from last weeks group. They are mostly young, urban, well dressed with neatly done hair. At a table to one side of the stage is a group of eight younger women out for a bachelorette party, enjoying their night, laughing hysterically.  

It is a good crowd, they are primed and energetic 

Finally the MC begins "Ladies and gentleman we have a special treat for you tonight..." 

At the sound of his name the crowd applauds. Gavin takes the microphone. Greets the audience. 

Then he does it again.  

Before the crowd has a chance, he hits them with the first punchline. The room erupts with laughter. Then he hits them with another and another. Boom, Boom, Boom! Like a fighter relentlessly throwing hay-maker after hay-maker at a helpless opponent. 

The room is fills a cacophony of laughter. Gavin pauses to let the crowd catch up. People gasp for air. Holding the mic in both hands he looks down and smiles to himself ever so slightly. 

There it is. That old familiar feeling. Just like that first time - he is about to destroy - and he knows it. 

 

 

 

Monday
Mar052012

On Note-Based Culture

Over the last twenty years the way we communicate has rapidly evolved. Gone are the days of phone calls and long form post-carried letters. Now we communicate in quick spurts – SMS and Facebook are now the primary way we communicate with each other (when not face-to-face). All our communications are short, quick and unrestricted by physical time and space. Press a button and send it across the world at the speed of light.

We now live in a Note-Based Culture. The world communicates the way we used to get in trouble for communicating in school - except it is digital now. Instead of our notes traveling to a friend a few desks away they travel a friend on another continent. Because of this we are endlessly multi-tasking. (In fact, chances are you will send or receive a note to someone while you are reading this.)

We share our lives 160 characters at a time.

The curmudgeons among us say that all technology and the way we use it to converse with each other makes us more anti-social. Makes us less engaged with the world. They say that the way we communicate is damaging our relationships.

The reality is that the opposite is true - communicating in this ‘Note-Based’ fashion (if used correctly) allows us to be more engaged with the world, hyper-social, and makes our relationships more seamless. Note-Based culture is simply better than the old way.

Here is why:

-Note-Based communication is by its very nature more conversational. One person says something and someone else responds to that thought and back and forth, usually within a few minutes. Long form letters are not conversational -they were more like speeches. One person writes down everything they have to say and puts it in the post. By the time it reaches its destination, even if it is two days later, it is already out of date. The reality that it was written in has changed. And by the time the second person responds everything may have changed.

-This form of communication improves our relationships because it allows us to keep in much closer contact with friends and family. Especially when we are separated from that person by physical distance. It closes that gap in communication that used to exist. Because of the technology we can now keep up with peoples day to day activities. Remain part of their lives even though you are separated. This allows us to more seamlessly slip back into each other’s comfort zone when we are back together. It helps eliminates that awkward getting-to-know-you-again period that can occur when someone returns after a long time away.

-Because we now have a better idea of what is going on in someone’s day-to-day life. When we do see them in person or call them it allows us to have higher conversations. We skip over the trivial “catching up” and go straight into more meaningful conversation.

-Note-Based communication allows us to be engaged in multiple conversations at once. All of us SMS or Facebook with at least a handful of people everyday, just touching base with each, allowing us to be present in those peoples lives in a way we could not if he had to physically see each one of them every day.

-It allows us to manage relationships with our increasingly busy lives. We may not have time for a long conversation with a friend for weeks at a time. But we do have a few seconds to send them an SMS or post on their Facebook wall that we are thinking of them.

This is the digital equivalent of walking into a party and greeting someone, then moving on to interact with others at the party. You may walk by that same person a few times during the course of the party. Each time you do you give them a pat on the shoulder – or you wave at them from across the room. You know at some point in the night you will seek them out and have a conversation with them but in the meantime you acknowledge them, remind them that you know they are there and that you care about them.

The naysayers are just wrong. Instead of damaging our relationships and negatively affecting the way we interact with society - a Note-Based Culture implores us to have better and more meaningful relationships – and more of them.

Monday
Feb062012

The Truth About Charley

    The truth about Charley is this - he just wants to bring great sandwiches to Boston. "I just saw a need. They just don't have good sandwiches here."

    At 10:40 on a wet Saturday morning Charley is buttoning up his chef jacket as he says "It's getting late. We need to start making some progress." 

    About year ago Charley and his wife Rachel started planning to open their own breakfast and sandwich shop. Back then she was writing for Cook’s Illustrated and he was working in America's Test Kitchen and freelancing for Gourmet magazine. They made a choice and Charley started working on recipes. Nine months later they had a location and Charley had perfected The Spuckie. A few months and a few delays later they finally opened the door of Cutty's in Brookline Village. That was one week ago.

        Cutty's could be in Real Simple magazine blond wood floors, table tops to match, one of the white walls painted half chalkboard green for use as the menu. The kitchen is open and obvious and when food arrives it does so on simple white dishes. 

        Rachel looks the part, a mess of brown hair, huge smile, simple and pretty. She greets people with the sweet over-exuberance of a new shop owner who is thrilled by every customers walks in.

        Besides being around six-foot-four Charley is pretty average, reddish-brown hair, good-looking, and friendly. He is the kind of guy that women would call cute but not sexy and guys would say he is just one of them.

       Truth is if you called Central Casting and asked them for a couple to star in a romantic-comedy about cute couple starting their own sandwich shop you would get Charley and Rachel Kelsey.

            At 11:37 progress is being made. Charley keeps a smooth running kitchen. As they prepares for what he hopes will be a lunch time rush he checks in on what his team is doing.

    "Dena, can you slice the sharp Parmesan for me? Thin...you know what I am saying right?" He says in certain tone.

            Dena chuckles, "Yeah"

        "No really" Then Charley shows her. There is a whirring of the slicer. "See it should be so thin it starts to break apart."

        The truth about Charley is sometimes you can't tell if he is kidding or not. His team loves it. It keeps the kitchen loose. Dena first worked under Charley as an intern at the Test Kitchen. After that she wanted to be involved in whatever he was doing. "He wants you to learn from him." She says "He respects the people and the food. He knows we are not just machines."  

      In the background Charley quotes from the movie Semi-Pro "Everybody love everybody!" Everybody is hard at work but they all laugh.

          At 12:20 the truth about Charley is that he is jovial. He gets more so the busier it gets. The rush has become a reality. Charley in the kitchen is touch like Brian Scalabrine on the basketball court. A little awkward but you realize he has a certain kind of (still slightly awkward) grace and definitely gets the job done.

             Even when its busy Charley seems relaxed. "I am relaxed...this is making sandwiches." He laughs and lays two more edible masterpieces on plates. He pulls the ticket for the next order and starts humming.

            Charley is his hands. His lanky fingers make utensils look miniature, but they move deftly and particularly, adding just one more slice of meat, or cheese. Charley does not slap together these sandwiches. Rather he builds them quickly but with the care used in assembling a house of cards.

        At 2:03 in the afternoon Charley is exactly where he wants to be. Business has slowed and he is in Cutty's kitchen delivering a diatribe about his goal to make high quality food more affordable, why there are not any good sandwiches in Boston, the building blocks of a great sandwich, and the process of designing his signature sandwich, The Spuckie. 

        The truth about Charley is he is hard working guy trying to create something special and He is passionate about sandwiches.

"If you don't like a sandwich you're just an asshole." He is smiling but he is serious.

In the dining room everyone is taking bites out of their sandwiches and nodding slowly in approval.

The truth about Charley Kelsey is he is making it easier not to be an Masshole...one sandwich at a time. 

 

 

Tuesday
Sep202011

Fight Crime Gaborone - Paying Twice

The Voice Column for September 19th, 2011

Lets begin by shifting our points of view. We need to start looking at the crime problem as consumers and look at the police as a product.We all pay taxes, income tax, V.A.T. etc – those taxes are supposedly
used by the government to provide services to the citizens One of these is the Botswana Police Service.

You are paying for this service therefore you are a consumer of this service. According to the Botswana Police Act, part of the duties of the Police Service is to “maintain security and public tranquility”.Unfortunately, the Police Service are not able to provide these particular services to you despite the fact you are being charged for them.

So you as consumers are forced to pay again. If you can afford it, you pay a private security company to provide you with security in your home and business. Terribly, if you are one of the
many that can not afford to pay for private security you are left to fend for yourself by your government and the service you have already paid for with your taxes.

The police are not properly trained, armed, or in any way equipped to deal with the current levels of crime, much less if it continues to escalate. The police service is a sub-par product. (This is the fault of the system – not the brave individuals that have chosen to serve as police officers.)

If this were any other product you would stop paying for it. If you bought bread from one store and it was always mouldy, forcing you to go buy more bread at another store, you would quickly stop buying bread at the first store.

Sadly you as consumers do not have that choice in this case. You are forced to keep paying…paying taxes… paying for private security…paying to replace your stolen property…paying to repair the broken windows and doors left by criminals.

Why is it that a private security company monitoring my house can respond to the alarm within a few minutes but if my house is being broken into I need to get into my car and fetch the police officers to attend at the scene? What are we paying for? Where are our taxes going to? Why is the government not providing us with the product they promised us for our money?

ITS TIME FOR SOMEONE TO PROVIDE US WITH ANSWERS.